Backlog: The Embiggening – December, 2021
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 11/28/21 at 12:45 AM CT
December is nearly upon us, and as the end of 2021 draws near, we can all take comfort in the fact that the COVID-19 pandemic is still raging on, with increasingly worse mutant variants that will likely render our vaccines irrelevant before too long. We can also revel in the fact that the microchip shortage hasn’t lessened up, and the supply-chain backlogs that make the MJ Crew’s gaming backlogs look miniscule, are still clogged as hard as a cancerous colon. But in the world of the Games Industry, somehow the poop factory just keeps chugging away, churning out another month’s worth of trash to sift through, in the vain hope that something good might be buried in there.
There’s plenty of shovel-ready junk created solely to make a quick buck, but not all three categories are represented. We do have licensed shovelware, mostly based on kid’s TV and movies, with a new ‘Smurfs’ game (which was supposed to come out last month), a compilation of old Disney games from the …
5 “Animaniacs” Sketches I’d Love to See (But Never Will)
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 11/21/21 at 02:13 PM CT
I just got done watching the second season of Hulu’s rebooted “Animaniacs” cartoon. It was one of my favorite shows in the ‘90s, and along with “DuckTales,” the new seasons came as a delightful and unexpected surprise. While “DuckTales” was never intended to be anything more than an adventure show, “Animaniacs,” on the other hand, frequently delved into political satire and social commentary, even during its original run.
Of course, with the two new seasons we got in 2020 and 2021, that didn’t change, and the Season 2 premier, in which the Warners make fun of Roman Emperor Nero whole opaquely comparing him to Trump, is one of the single greatest pieces of cartoon satire I’ve ever encountered. Unfortunately, as the second season went on, a bit of Left Fringe Wokeness started to push itself to the forefront. For the most part, the rebooted “Animaniacs” has been very even-keeled, mocking Trumpism, world dictators, and even Wokeness itself, such as the …
Ubisoft Goes Crypto-Crazy
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 11/14/21 at 01:38 PM CT
I feel like I’ve been a really forgiving person, lately. While I never gave Ubisoft the time of day during their early years of crap development, or their middle years of crap development… or their latter day years of crap development, when the company started to produce actual high-quality products for the first time in its history, I was right there to hand out the solid review scores. Heck, I’m not even critical of Ubisoft’s alleged intra-corporation “rape” culture, because they’re French, and everything I know about the French, I learned from Pepe LePew.
No, Ubisoft has been on a solid roll lately, with two rollicking entries in their oldest-currently-running franchise, ‘Rayman,’ a nice art-house Indie-style RPG in “Child of Light,” a thought-provoking entry in their ‘Far Cry’ series, and transitioning ‘Assassin’s Creed’ from a banal “Da Vinci Code”-esque conspiracy simulator to a set of sprawling historical Sandboxes, it seemed like the …
Game Releases in a Perfect World
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 11/07/21 at 05:58 PM CT
Regular readers of my column, here, will no doubt have noticed a trend. At the end of every month, I look at the upcoming game releases scheduled for the next month, and in doing so, criticize the Games Industry for its crushing lack of creativity and interest. I also lambast low-effort titles as ‘shovelware’ and express my ever-increasing disenchantment with the trend of re-releases of old games on new hardware. So what, pray-tell, would the monthly game release schedule look like in my perfect world?
Well, first of all, there would be no platform lock-in or lock-down. Games would simply be games, much like how movies on optical media were simply movies on optical media. Everyone could make players for the format, but the format was (mostly, and disregarding foreign regional DRM) universal. Thus, outside of a few outliers like the original “Star Wars” trilogy, movie fans didn’t get subjected to seeing “new release” lists that contain nothing but old titles (unless, …
Backlog: The Embiggening – November, 2021
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 10/31/21 at 02:25 AM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! Now that November is upon us, once again, it’s time to participate in the perpetual ritual of Games Industry Publishers pushing out gobs and gobs of licensed crap in the hopes of moving units as Holiday gifts, usually given by confused and bemused grandparents who might be vaguely familiar with the names of things Little Timmy and Little Susie like, and that the kiddos like videogames, so combining the two is a guaranteed successful gifting! Outside of that slat-splosion of watery effluent, we’ve got a ton of old stuff and late stuff that was supposed to come out a month or two (or three) ago, but didn’t. *SIGH* Let’s just get to the pre-mortem post-mortem.
We’ve got all three flavors of shovelware coming in November. First, there’s tons of licensed crap for the kiddies: Disney is bringing us “Disney Classic Games Collection” (I assume this’ll be ‘Vol. 1’), “Star Wars Racer & Commando Combo,” and “Star …
2021: The Year Stadia Died
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 10/24/21 at 02:57 PM CT
It’s official: Google, the search giant that embodies the very concept of “Big Data,” has decided to ‘pivot’ their ill-conceived Cloud gaming service into a ‘backend’ service for other corporations that think they can sell Cloud gaming to end-users more effectively than Google could. Stadia, Google’s Cloud gaming consumer offering, only launched in 2019 (a year in which it earned a coveted(?) spot on the MeltedJoystick List of Fails), and even after a year of pandemic lockdowns and stay-at-home orders, nobody wanted to use it, causing the service to drastically undershoot Google’s sales and usage projections.
And you know what that means! Time to pull the plug! Of course, with Google’s track record of unceremoniously discontinuing products and services that don’t meet astronomical and arbitrary metrics, end-users have become savvy to the whole issue, causing Stadia’s failure to be something of a self-fulfilling prophecy: Users didn’t believe Google would …
The 10 Worst IPs that Somehow Have More than 3 Games
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 10/17/21 at 04:21 PM CT
Back in 2018, I lamented the lack of sequels in a number of good game franchises that were cut-off before they really had a chance to get going. Surprisingly, over the past three years, we’ve actually gotten new games in two of these neglected series; specifically, the surprise 2021 release of the rebooted “ActRaiser Renaissance” and last year’s GotY contender, “Half-Life: Alyx.” But while The Industry seems to be trying to do better, far more often than not, terrible games will either find a toehold in either mainstream or niche appeal, and the corporate IP holder will flog their development slaves into churning out sequel after sequel of crap. Here’s a list of some of the worst offenders.
10. ‘Hyperdimension Neptunia’
Allegedly a satire on the games industry itself, ‘Nep-Nep’ seems to have taken the piss – then drank it – as the series continues to devolve into nothing more than super-softcore porn for Weebs. I mean, I can’t think of a single …
Nintendo: A Bad Joke Told Twice… Still Isn’t Funny.
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 10/10/21 at 03:00 PM CT
At the end of September 2021, Nintendo tried to be a uniter, rather than a divider, by revealing something so outrageous, so wantonly greedy, so lazy, and so stupid that every gamer should have been united in their disdain for it… Of course, Nintendo fanboys, as always, jumped to the corporation’s defense.
What was this egregious sin committed by the House of Mario? They revealed their plans to add emulation of Nintendo 64 and Sega Genesis games to their online subscription service.
Now, CLEARLY I hate both the N64 AND the Genesis, so I’m OBVIOUSLY too biased to hold a legitimate opinion. Isn’t that right, Comments Section?
Yeah, no, this goes beyond what I personally like or dislike, since Nintendo isn’t simply adding these terrible consoles’ games to the existing subscription – perhaps giving it some minor semblance of ‘value’ in the process. Instead, Nintendo will be creating a new subscription tier, currently just dubbed “Plus Expansion,” that will …
Capcom: “PC Will Be Our Main Platform”
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 10/03/21 at 02:12 PM CT
The long, slow death of traditional console gaming has entered yet another phase, with Capcom’s declaration to Japanese media site, Nikkei, which later filtered to us in the west through Bloomberg and PC Gamer Magazine. Apparently, the one-time titan of console gaming wants to shift its focus and divide its sales neatly in half between PC gaming and console gaming by 2023.
This wouldn’t really be newsworthy if it weren’t for the decades-long reputation of Japanese videogame companies like Capcom as fixtures of the console space, rarely, if ever crossing over to sell (terrible) PC versions of console games. Of course, Capcom isn’t really the ‘first’ to get onboard with the idea of PC gaming being the future of the medium, as Konami, Square-Enix, Namco-Bandai, and Sega – all big names from console gaming’s past – have been quietly peddling their wares on Steam (and other PC storefronts) for a few years now. It’s just that Capcom is the first to really make a big …
Backlog: The Embiggening – October, 2021
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 09/26/21 at 03:50 PM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! The deluge of the Autumn Games Flood is showing no signs of letting up, and has, in fact, gotten worse. The gaming community is now analogous to those doughty hurricane survivors of the Gulf Coast who refuse to abandon their land, even though it has been reduced to an inundated, toxic cesspit. Let’s start seining through those turds, again, to see if there’s anything worth salvaging.
The shovelware count from last month has nearly doubled, with a whopping 17 titles falling into one of the three major categories of ‘Crap.’” First, we’ve got a plethora of licensed games, including “PJ Masks: Heroes of the Night” and “My Friend Peppa Pig” for the pre-school crowd, “Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl,” “Blaze and the Monster Machines: Axle City Racers,” “Star Wars: Jedi Knight Collection,” “LEGO Marvel Superheroes,” “Guardians of the Galaxy,” and “Jumanji: The Videogame” for the juvenile crowd, …
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