Backlog: The Embiggening – July, 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/30/17 at 05:24 PM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! June was full of lies, and the dreaded Summer Game Drought does appear to have snuck up on us, once again. July features a LOT of delayed releases from previous months that never quite got out the door. The remaining releases aren’t looking particularly inspiring.
There are only two pieces of shovelware coming in July: One in each major shovelware sub-shovel. There’s “Fate/Extella: The Umbral Star” coming to Switch, for those who like their shovelware based on a non-game IP. Then there’s “Miitopia” coming to the 3DS, for those who like their shovelware so casual that it’s hard to find an actual game in there.
There are four ports/remasters slated for July as well. The PS4 and XBONE will both be receiving a compilation of the completely uninteresting “Don’t Starve” games, as well as a delayed port of loathsome Roguelike, “Rogue Stormers,” and “Minecraft”-ugly RTS, “8-Bit Armies,” while the PS4 …
Chasing the 16-Bit Dragon
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/25/17 at 03:48 PM CT
I have a LOT of “RPG Maker” games and other retro RPG titles in my Steam library. I also have a lot of Kemco’s retro RPGs in my Google Play library. Yet I find myself rarely playing these, as, after an initial taste of these titles that aim to replicate the classics of the Golden Age, I have been bitterly disappointed.
Yes, I got solid enjoyment out of “Skyborn,” and, yes, the spoofy parody games by Zeboyd have been enjoyable in a very “Earthbound” sort of way, but all of the other neo-16-bit RPGs I’ve played in the last few years just haven’t done anything for me. I feel like a Chinese addict who finds themselves constantly “chasing the dragon” in my attempts to find a new RPG that will instill in me the same feelings of awe that “Final Fantasy 6,” “Dragon Quest 5,” “Suikoden 2,” or “Chrono Trigger” did, yet always failing because the metaphorical ‘dragon’ is an unreachable target.
However, the ‘dragon’ actually gave me some …
E3 Impressions 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/18/17 at 03:33 PM CT
I honestly didn’t get my hopes up for E3 this year. No significant rumors have been circulating about major upcoming reveals, and the only new hardware we’ve been waiting for is yet another Xbox (which nobody should care about anyway). Fortunately, Nintendo managed to produce a large enough quantity of surprises to carry the rest of the show single-handedly.
Microsoft:
Want: Expanded Backward Compatibility, “Sea of Thieves” (still!)
Not Sure if Want: “Metro Exodus,” “Super Lucky’s Tale,” “Ori and the Will of the Wisps,” “Age of Empires Remastered”
Do Not Want: 4K Pandering/Hardware Fetishism, XBONEX, Ridiculous Car Stunt Reveal for “Forza,” “Last Night,” “Crackdown 3,” 22 ‘exclusives,’ of which only 1 is actually exclusive
Microsoft finally pulled the concealing tarp off of Xbox Scorpio… revealing the milquetoast mid-generational upgrade whose official name is Xbox One X. It is incredibly disappointing that neither Sony nor MS had …
Always Destroy the Head: Atari Set to Release New Hardware
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/10/17 at 10:08 PM CT
Alas, you all did not heed me! Woe to the videogames industry, for a wicked spectre from the past is come to bring ruin to us all!
It has long been my vehement opinion that Atari, the perpetrator of the Great Crash of 1983, the same Atari which later acquired, then painfully abused the Dungeons & Dragons videogame license from Wizards of the Coast, should be completely and thoroughly destroyed – Its intellectual properties broken up and distributed to other rightsholders, its offices razed to the ground and sown with salt.
Now this same Atari (delenda est), which you all believed to be no threat, has risen from the dead, marshalled its forces, and is about to make a move. In a surprise pre-E3 2017 announcement, Atari (delenda est) revealed that they will be producing an upcoming device called “AtariBox.”
YouTube channel, SpawnWaveMedia, has been picking-apart any new information they can get their hands on regarding the AtariBox, and have come to the frightening …
Review Round-Up: Spring 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/04/17 at 02:46 PM CT
Welcome back to another installment of the MeltedJoystick Review Round-Up. Here’s what our staff has reviewed since last time:
Nelson’s Reviews:
This Spring, I decided it was finally time to dust-off the original two ‘Deus Ex’ games in order to educate myself before playing “Deus Ex: Human Revolution” sometime this Summer. In general, though, I had a rather disappointing quarter, without a single game scoring over 4 stars.
“Krater: Shadows Over Solside” – 2/5
“Deus Ex: Invisible War” – 4/5
“Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition” – 3/5
“Yet Another Zombie Defense” – 1/5
“Wasteland 2: Director’s Cut” – 4/5
“Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris” – 4/5
“CastleStorm” – 3.5/5
Chris’ Reviews:
Chris didn’t have a particularly good quarter either. He was disappointed by a Survival Horror game, as well as the dumb zombie coop thing we played for one evening. He also didn’t like the coop experience of “Lara Croft and …
Backlog: The Embiggening – June, 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/28/17 at 03:40 PM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! June is traditionally the start of the dreaded Summer Game Drought. Fortunately for all of us, this year, the deluge that started two months ago is continuing unabated. Should we be grateful for this influx of new releases, or is it transforming into a destructive monsoon of crap?
Only three pieces of shovelware are coming in June. By some cosmic coincidence, all of them happen to be racing shovelware to boot: “Cars 3: Driven to Win” will probably be the best bet for fans of Kart racing, as that genre has been quite neglected lately, “Micro Machines World Series” will probably be the best bet for fans of the also-neglected Vehicular Combat sub-genre (though it’s weird to see a new game based on toys from 25 years ago), and “The Official Motocross Game” (which was delayed from last month) should be the choice for those who prefer realism to fun.
There are a whopping 10 releases in the port/remaster/compilation …
Microsoft’s Reality Mix-Up
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/21/17 at 04:04 PM CT
Three years ago, I was rather excited about the potential of Virtual Reality hardware, like the Oculus Rift, HTC Vive, and PlayStation VR, as well as Microsoft’s weird, special snowflake take on the Reality gimmick, Augmented Reality via the prototype MS Hololens. We haven’t heard much about Hololens since E3 2015, and I was beginning to think that the lukewarm reception of VR technologies by the consumer public caused Microsoft to get cold feet about AR.
That is not the case! It appears that late last year, Microsoft partnered with some of their numerous third-party hardware manufactuerers, like Acer and Hewlett-Packard, to create a new type of headset device that shares more in common with VR than AR. These so-called ‘Mixed Reality’ headsets now have an official name – Windows Holographic – and were apparently up for pre-order for a while but no longer appear to be. These new MR headsets are supposed to work with a previously-unknown set of Microsoft motion …
5 Windows Store Games to Keep Your Elderly Mother Occupied
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/14/17 at 02:16 PM CT
Way back in 2014, I put together a list of 5 Wii games to help bridge the generation gap between Gen-X-ers and their mothers on Mothers’ Day. In the intervening time, the Wii came to the end of its glorious life and was replaced by the abysmal WiiU. In the same timeframe, Nintendo seems to have largely given up on the ‘Blue Ocean’ of non-gamers. Instead, apps have become the new way for non-traditional folks to enjoy a videogame or two.
While the new generation of Millennials surely has little to worry about regarding their parents and technology, Gen-X-ers with elderly parents are still in the same boat we’ve been in for 20 years: Mom and Dad just can’t figure out that darned computer. And don’t even try to teach them how to use a smartphone in their 60s unless you also want to explain to them how they managed to run-up massive data overages on their bill. No, the parents of Gen-X have been passed over by technology, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible for them …
Xbox Scorpio: What It Will Be; What It Should Be
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/07/17 at 04:55 PM CT
While it still doesn’t have an official name or release date outside of ‘holiday 2017,’ recently new information has been revealed about the upcoming successor to the XBONE, the Xbox Codenamed ‘Scorpio.’ As an Xbox hater since the very beginning, when Microsoft began adapting many of the most annoying aspects of PC gaming for console gaming consumption, anything Microsoft might do that has ‘Xbox’ in the name is a hard sell for me. But the company has proven that the flow goes both ways, and I have gotten significant use and enjoyment out of a number of their console-centric ideas that found their way into the Windows PC operating system.
With Scorpio, Microsoft is running off a ‘four-pillar’ model, with four key areas of focus that they hope will allow their next effort to redeem the utter failure of the XBONE (and perhaps become the first Xbox console to turn a profit). These four pillars are as follows:
1. Regain the hearts and minds of …
Backlog: The Embiggening – May, 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 04/30/17 at 04:29 PM CT
Welcome back to another look into the near future! May is continuing the downpour of Spring releases that started last month. Shall we see if the garden has started to blossom?
Shovelware weeds are starting to poke their noses out of the dirt. There’s plenty of variety too! There’s two licenses superhero pieces of shovelware, “Injustice 2” for DC fans and Telltale’s “Guardians of the Galaxy” serial Adventure for Marvel fans. For those who aren’t into licensed shovelware based on fiction IPs, there’s a new annual release in the “Official Motocross Game.” Lastly, there are two new releases in that shovelware archetype that is just so casual that it’s inconceivable they can make any money: “Cooking Mama: Sweet Shop” for 3DS and “Baila Latino” (which means ‘Latin dance’ en español) for PS4.
Once again, there are plenty of ports and remasters. “Lock’s Quest,” which was supposed to come to PS4 and XBONE last month, is leading the way, along …
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